#Squad: Finding Your Mom Tribe

I’m turning into my mother.

We’ve all thought it. At some point in our parenting, when we find ourselves saying that thing, or making that face, or when we look into a mirror.

I’m turning into my mother. And not just because I look like her or sound like her on the phone. My mother has always been outgoing. The life of the party. She talks to everyone. When I was younger, it used to embarrass me. Do you know that lady? I used to ask. She almost never did. She will fearlessly strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere.

And now that I’m older and have children of my own, I’m exactly like her.

Standing in line at Babies R Us? I’ll ask if you got the 20% off coupon, and share it with you if you don’t. I’m the girl on the train who tells you how bomb your twistout looks today.

It’s how I found my tribe.

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Tribe {squad, crew, girl gang}: A social division in a traditional society consisting of families or communities linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties, with a common culture and dialect.

Being a mom initiates you into a tribe of women who are linked by the transformative experience of birth. Whether induced or spontaneous, epidural or drug free, adopted or not–becoming a mother connects you to a tribe who understands the struggle of teething, potty training, and UPK applications.

Becoming a mom connects you to a tribe who understands your struggle. #momlife #squad Click To Tweet

But even with the huge tribe of moms around the world, motherhood can still be a lonely journey. That’s why it’s important to find your own mom tribe.

“Women always tend to compare themselves to their friends. …They give you lots of role models and I think it’s similar to moms, you might be able to pick up some techniques from your siblings or your moms but friends give you more opportunities to learn,” says Irene S. Levine Ph.D., professor of psychiatry at New York University’s School of Medicine and author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend.

Your tribe is your community. Your squad. Your people. In parenting, it’s important to have a support system. Your goal is to raise a thriving, responsible human being–a huge, overwhelming responsibility. “Your life is transformed and you have this amazing new best friend and it’s awesome! But on the flip side, no one tells you that you will loose friends,” says celebrity doula and maternity maven Latham Thomas. She stresses the importance of a sister circle–a personal tribe. “It’s a great time to start a sister circle and connect with women who are your elders in mothering, who can teach you a thing or two about the process. Keep your sister circle close!”

Your tribe can help explain how to get an actual night of sleep, the most reliable babysitters in the area, or how to manage being a stay at home mom. They can also be a support during the tough times–like when you feel like you’re doing it all wrong.

Back in the day, moms would meet while hanging out the laundry or at church socials. With social media, it’s even easier to meet your tribe.

You can find your squad almost anywhere–the mall, Mommy & Me classes, church, the playground, your pediatrician’s office, even Facebook. “She was fumbling with a bottle while her baby screamed,” mom Jessica Barton told BabyCenter.com. “My son was working himself into a major ‘I’m hungry’ tantrum as well, so I looked at her and said, ‘Is this seat taken?’ We fed our boys and started sharing the details of their births.”

Looking for a way to add a new mom to your tribe? Give her a compliment. “The best mommy pick-up line is ‘You’re probably tired of hearing how beautiful your baby is!’ No mother ever gets sick of hearing her baby is beautiful, so you’re in,” says Jenna McCarthy, author of The Parent Trip: From High Heels and Parties to Highchairs and Potties.

If you haven’t found your tribe, you’re welcome to join the one I started on Facebook. Shoot me a message, and I’ll add you to a private group of moms looking to connect, share, and grow with you.

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Tiffani is the wife and mom behind MyMommyVents, co-creator of The Mommy Conference, and co-founder of the digital collective Sisterhued. Her writing and parenting tips have been seen on The Washington Post, Mommy Noire, Yahoo Parenting, and Fit Pregnancy.
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1 Comment

  1. January 18, 2017 / 9:38 pm

    Oh I love Tiff, it’s tough meeting people when you’re an adult but this post is so accurate because having babies communizes most people. Great post!

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