How to Kid-Proof Your Relationship

Wine, candlelight, and passion are essential for an unforgettable Valentine’s Day–but when you’re a parent, it’s hard to make time for romance.

After your baby is born, your priorities shift. Date night is just a memory when you’ve got to adjust to the emotional, physical, and financial changes in your life. “My husband and I were like bunnies before we had a baby. But after having our first child, months would go by and we would have no sex. I started to feel unattractive, lonely, and unloved,” says one member. “I talked to him about it, and he admitted to not being in the mood because he was worrying about our finances. It was draining him physically and emotionally.”

Put aside the spit up and sippy cups for Riesling and a rendezvous with these tips for keeping the romance alive after baby!

Plan a date “night”–and stick to it.
Ask grandma and grandpa, godparents, or a trusted friend to keep your little one for an hour or two so that you can have some alone time–or just wait until the kids are asleep. Date night can be as simple as a living room picnic or Netflix and chill. “My husband makes it a point for us to have date night at least two times per month,” says one mom on “Sometimes we only go out for pie and coffee. It’s not much, but it makes me feel like a million bucks.”

Keep flirting.
“No, you hang up.” “On three, hang up. 1..2…3…you still there?” Remember the early stages of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to see each other? Keep the lovey dovey feelings going by flirting with your partner. Treat him or her to romantic text messages, love notes, and emails. Judy, a mom of five says, “My husband and I have five children, so we never have much time to ourselves. To keep romance in our lives, we send each other emails talking about our desires. It’s easier to be intimate at night if the thoughts have been floating around in our minds during the day.”

Set a regular bedtime.
Bath, book, and bed still works. The same routine that helped your 3 month old go to sleep still works. Having a designated bedtime for your children leaves more time for you two to reconnect. Kiss the kids good night and spend time together. DaddyVents and I like to enjoy a glass of wine and catch up on our favorite shows after the boys are asleep.

Communicate early and often.
“Discuss the challenges you are each facing as you create your new life, warn each other if you are having a rough day and find creative ways to support each other through it all! ” blogger Paula Rollo tells Happy Wives Club. Life is different now, and it’s easy to feel stressed. Feeling overwhelmed? Tired? Lonely? Talking about what you’re going through now means less frustration later.

Remember, you’re a team.
“Connecting with your partner on a regular basis can actually lesson the load and make the journey of being a parent much more enjoyable,” says parenting and early learning expert and Natacha V. Beim. Children who see their parents being affectionate with one another helps to lay the foundation for their own relationships. “Remember, when the kids are grown they’ll leave,” says Dana, a mom of five. “Your spouse is the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with, so he or she should be the most important person in your life.”

How are you keeping your relationship strong?

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Tiffani is the wife and mom behind MyMommyVents, co-creator of The Mommy Conference, and co-founder of the digital collective Sisterhued. Her writing and parenting tips have been seen on The Washington Post, Mommy Noire, Yahoo Parenting, and Fit Pregnancy.
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  1. February 13, 2017 / 2:42 pm

    Your thoughts on flirting made me smile. It is fun to look back on a time when hanging up the phone was something that we thought about and made us nervous! Thing change so much after the kids are born and it is important to make that time to connect.
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  2. February 13, 2017 / 2:51 pm

    These are all great tips. Even without kids, romance tends to go out the window. I remember when we decided to pay off all our bills and save, the stress was enormous and the last thing on my mind was sex, just like your hubby :-).

  3. February 13, 2017 / 4:03 pm

    I wish I had read this when my daughter was born. Adjusting to going from being a couple to being parents together can be stressful. Acting as a team and having date nights are so important for a relationship!
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  4. February 14, 2017 / 5:11 am

    So many great reminders. As parents, we often forget to focus on our relationship, even though it’s one of the most important things. Thank you for the great advice. I especially like the set bedtime.

  5. February 14, 2017 / 3:06 pm

    Great tips. I’ll be passing this along to my siblings. lol

  6. February 14, 2017 / 5:11 pm

    I actually prefer having a date night at home after our kiddo goes to sleep. Sometimes we watch a movie or play a game. We just have more fun that way than going out! Great ideas!!

  7. February 14, 2017 / 6:42 pm

    Great tips. It is important remember what brought the two of you together and what life is like before kids. Life changes so much once we have kids. These tips are important for married couples. Thanks for sharing.

  8. February 15, 2017 / 1:27 am

    You have shared some really great tips, too bad I don’t have any kids. They will become of use in the future though.
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  9. February 15, 2017 / 2:54 pm

    These are all great tips! I will definitely be bookmarking this!

  10. nathanielle
    February 15, 2017 / 8:34 pm

    These are great parenting tips

  11. Chardline Chanel-Faiteau
    February 15, 2017 / 8:43 pm

    These are great tips…especially for those with busy lives! Like this works perfectly for me and I have no children. Thanks for this!

  12. February 15, 2017 / 11:09 pm

    These are great tips. Thanks for sharing. While I don’t have kids at this time, I am sharing this post with my friends who are moms and in a relationship. I’m sure they will find nuggets of interest.

  13. February 17, 2017 / 4:35 pm

    These are great tips! It is so important to be intentional when it comes to your relationship.
    After my daughter was born, me and my husband started getting in a routine and were losing a little bit of us…now we just have to make sure that we plan for each other and stick to the plan!

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