\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

October\u2019s PhenomeMOMs have been such an inspiration! From triumphs<\/a> over the NICU, to dealing<\/a> with loss, turning pain into purpose<\/a>, and finding the humor<\/a> in it all, these extraordinary moms have shown us all what it means to be phenomenal in motherhood.<\/p>\n

I was motivated by the PhenomeMOMs and last week\u2019s PheneomeMOM Valerie convinced me to share my own story.<\/p>\n

Thanks to everyone who has sent an encouraging word about Part 1<\/a>. It\u2019s taken a lot for me to get up the courage to share what happened next.<\/p>\n[line]\n

I started to feel the contractions at about 7 centimeters. They were tough, but bearable. I used the breathing techniques I\u2019d learned in birthing class, and pictured my happy place\u2013spinning in circles on the beach while holding my sweet baby.<\/p>\n

A few rough contractions, a few pushes, and he was here! At 7:35pm, The DJ came into the world. We oohed and ahhed over our precious baby, and I tried to get some sleep. I had no idea what I was in store for.<\/p>\n

The next few days were a blur. The DJ had to stay in the NICU because he was born prematurely, but I was able to go home after two days of recovery. I was frustrated with pumping, had almost passed out trying to get to the NICU unassisted, and had gotten into an argument with a nurse over the way she spoke to me and my husband. I was \u00a0more than ready to go home.<\/p>\n

We returned to the NICU the next day, excited to finally bring our baby home. I washed my hands in the parent bathroom, but there was no paper towel to dry. There was a roll of toilet paper near the sink, so I dabbed the back of my hands\u2026and immediately broke out into painful, red cuts. I didn\u2019t know what had happened, and I didn\u2019t care. Nothing was going to stop me from taking my son home. The NICU nurses gave me some rubber gloves and ointment,\u00a0 and we were on our way home, thrown into parenthood a month earlier than we expected. For the next few days,\u00a0 I\u2019d wear those rubber gloves any time I held my baby.<\/p>\n

After much debate, we went ahead with our baby shower that Saturday. The DJ slept safely in the car, and we rotated sitting with him with other close family members. We stayed just long enough to open gifts, and rushed home soon after.
\n<\/a><\/p>\n

Although the hospital had advised me to rest, I just couldn\u2019t sleep. I don\u2019t know if it was adrenaline (this song<\/a> kept playing in my head- I was super proud of myself for doing it without the epidural) or excitement, but I simply couldn\u2019t rest. I felt like the Energizer bunny.\u00a0 I felt like Jessie Spano when she took those pills<\/a> (are you old enough to get that reference?). I was sooo hyper. I was sooo ridiculously talkative. I was so\u2026not my normal self.<\/p>\n

My best friend, who was studying psychology and counseling, had come to stay with us and help out. She stayed awake with me, just like she had done during our sleepovers as kids. I thank God that she was there\u2013 and that she would know exactly what to do a few days later.<\/p>\n

I finally allowed myself to drift off. It had been about 48 hours since I had slept, and my body craved rest. I was so deep in sleep that I didn\u2019t hear the baby crying. I woke up in a panic, full of guilt. I felt horrible, and after his dad gave him a bottle, I pulled the covers over my head and cried.<\/p>\n

The next morning, it all fell apart.<\/p>\n

I felt guilty, judged, and ashamed. I went into my parents bathroom upstairs started to cry. I started to pray that I would be a better mom, \u00a0a better wife, and that I wouldn\u2019t fail my son or my family. I started to feel dizzy, so I laid down on the floor. Then, it all went black.<\/p>\n[line]\n

Still interested in what happened? I\u2019ll wrap up my story on Friday. I hope you\u2019ll come back to find out the rest.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 October\u2019s PhenomeMOMs have been such an inspiration! From triumphs over the NICU, to dealing with loss, turning pain into purpose, and finding the humor in it all, these extraordinary moms have shown us all what it means to be phenomenal in motherhood. I was motivated by the PhenomeMOMs and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":527,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[89,1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/mymommyvents.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/POSTPARTUM-PANIC.png","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/mymommyvents.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/509"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/mymommyvents.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/mymommyvents.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mymommyvents.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mymommyvents.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=509"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/mymommyvents.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/509\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":520,"href":"http:\/\/mymommyvents.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/509\/revisions\/520"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mymommyvents.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/527"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/mymommyvents.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=509"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mymommyvents.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=509"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mymommyvents.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=509"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}