When HBO’s Insecure premiered in 2016, I had no idea how invested I’d become in the show. It was a modern day Girlfriends. A story of millennial friendships and finding yourself, set to a dope soundtrack that I could download on Spotify.
When Season 4’s finale dropped, reactions were mixed. Some people loved seeing the reconciliation between Issa and Molly, reunited in their heartbreak. Some of us even saw bits of ourselves in the character’s story lines–and for some, the fictional series painted a reality many of us face, but don’t discuss.
On the outside, Tiffany DuBois (Amanda Seales) seems to have it all. The bougie one of the bunch, her perfect marriage, perfect image, and perfect lifestyle are the happy ending that little girls dream about. From her themed birthday dinners (with assigned seating) to her Beyonce-esque maternity photos, Tiffany is a true Type A personality. Sure, she and Derek have had their issues, but they’re still a self-proclaimed power couple– and in season 3 of Insecure, we learn they’re expecting their first child together.
As Tiffany’s bump grows, so does the distance between her and the crew. A girls’ trip to Coachella goes wrong, and Tiffany confesses to feeling left out. Although the gang tries to keep the relationship going, it’s clear that they’re moving in different directions. At her over the top baby shower, Tiffany’s surrounded by new mom friends who are just like her.
Xoxo, The DuBois 💕 pic.twitter.com/wxr43CbXse
— Amanda Seales 🇬🇩✊🏾 (@amandaseales) September 17, 2018
Once Baby Simone arrives, Insecure hints at Tiffany’s postpartum depression, but doesn’t get too deep. As they fold baby clothes, Tiffany tells the girls how disgusting she feels, and that she hasn’t showered in days. We learn that her birth experience was traumatic, and that if it hadn’t been for her husband, her pain would have been ignored. At Issa’s Block Party event, Tiffany grabs a drink because breastfeeding just wasn’t working out. “Didn’t take. Her loss.” When the sitter calls to let them know the baby won’t stop crying. Tiffany asks Derek to handle it, because she’s finally out.
In “Lowkey Lost,” Tiffany’s struggles finally spill over into her perfect life, and she goes missing. As the friends search the city for her, Derek tells Issa and Molly, “I knew she wasn’t happy, but I thought maybe time would help. I just didn’t think it would get this bad. I can believe I let this happen.” They eventually find her at a nearby Sheraton. Tiffany apologizes, Derek hugs her, and that’s the last we see of the couple.
“We wanted to depict this because it’s commonplace and we wanted to show this struggle,” show creator Issa Rae said. “It just felt like this was the natural opportunity to showcase this. Tiffany is the only mother, the only married one out of our group of friends, and she already started to feel isolated in a way, so unfortunately this just added to her burden.”
And while Insecure had the chance to really dive deep, it seemed like writers just barely skimmed the surface. As many as 1 in 7 women is affected by postpartum depression–and for Black and Brown women, the risk is higher. A Mount Sinai study found that 44% of African Americans reported depressive symptoms two weeks after delivery, compared to 31% of white women.
Unfortunately, many of us don’t seek help, or even know how to allow ourselves to.
“There’s definitely a cultural stigma discouraging mental health counseling in the Black community,” says Shivonne Odom, LCPC, LPC, who specializes in maternal mental health counseling. “Some believe that if you go to therapy you have to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital or will be required to take addictive prescription medications. Some people’s religious beliefs also shape their views on mental health and can impact their help-seeking behaviors,” she told Parents magazine.
So many of us are trying to keep up the image of having it all together, that we’re afraid to admit when something isn’t right. There’s fear of having our children taken away, or being looked at as weak for asking for help. A 2014 University of Houston study found that many Black women held the belief that “strong mothers” don’t develop postpartum depression, and that admitting to feelings of depression meant being looked at as an unfit mother.
We’re told that we should be able to handle things. That we don’t have the time or the luxury of being depressed. We lay our burdens down by the riverside, not the therapist’s couch.
“…no one talks about mental instability in the black community,” Tryrese Coleman, a mother of twin boys, said in a Buzzfeed article. “The idea of seeking treatment never crossed my mind. I wasn’t some hysterical white woman with the privilege to lie in bed for days crippled by my emotions. There was nothing wrong with me, and besides, black people don’t do therapy.”
One topic Insecure has tackled is our mental health. Nathan shared his bipolar disorder diagnosis and treatment with Issa, and we’ve seen Molly working through her issues with a therapist. The series isn’t afraid to show us that Black folks do “do therapy.” Maybe we’ll see Tiffany talking about her birth story with a new moms’ support group, or finding other tools to cope in the next season’s episodes.
Tiffany’s postpartum depression could have been an opportunity to shed light on postpartum depression. Delving deeper into her story could have helped to remove the shame and stigma that many moms face–but the lowkey hints Insecure dropped throughout the season didn’t give us a full picture.
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