I’ve always been pregnant at the same time as someone else. A childhood friend, a cousin, a coworker–I’ve never been pregnant alone.
Our first son was born in May of 2011. His god sister had made her appearance 3 weeks before, and another playmate arrived soon after.
Our second son came just 22 months later–on the exact same day as a friend in Atlanta. A few weeks later, another little guy joined the crew.
I’ve always been pregnant at the same time as someone else. Every time I’ve been pregnant, there’s been a friend (or two!) taking the journey along with me.
We’ve bonded over cravings together. Wondered what labor would feel like together. Texted “you up?” to each other at 2am. We’ve taken pictures at baby showers together, heads and round bellies pushed close.
I’ve had someone to share my pregnancy worries with, to answer the questions I was too scared to go to my doctor with, to talk about nursing bras and breast pumps with. I was lucky enough to have someone who understood why I needed that one. Someone who was feeling the same feelings and having the same experience– someone who was pregnant at the same time.
A study published in the American Sociological Review found that friendship and pregnancy are linked–they’re actually kind of “contagious.”
After observing 1,700 American moms over 15 years, the study found that “fertility decisions are not only influenced by individual characteristics and preferences, but also by the social network in which individuals are embedded,” said co-author Nicoletta Balbo, a postdoctoral fellow at Italy’s Bocconi University.
It happens with co-workers too. Sixteen nurses who worked in the intensive care unit at an Arizona hospital were all due between September 2018 and February 2019. “I was like, ‘Oh well, I didn’t plan this. Did we have some kind of pact going I didn’t know about?” said one mom.
You don’t have to be pregnant at the same time as a friend to reap he benefits, though.
Maternity maven Latham Thomas talks about the sister circle, a support system of individuals who can serve as examples and inspiration throughout the pregnancy and after birth. “Look at your social circles, the clubs you belong to, activity groups, and other communities you’re part of…,” says Thomas. “Who in your circle has also had a boy? Who can cook, to help with meals? If your mother lives far away, is there a mature woman in your life who could serve as a maternal presence for you?” The sister circle ensures that you’re supported during and after your pregnancy, and have someone to vent and lean on.
And having mom friends isn’t just good for you–it’s good for baby, too. When moms have more connections, their kids perform higher on cognitive assessments, a new study suggests. “Outside the family context, mothers with larger social networks may be able to draw on resources from those networks that alleviate some of the burdens associated with parenting,” said study co-author Kaja LeWinn, a psychiatry researcher at the University of California San Francisco. “This may include emotional support, tangible support in the form of babysitting or help with errands, and the transfer of knowledge around high-quality day care or other childhood programs. These resources may reduce parenting stress and improve maternal mental health, both of which are positively associated with child cognitive development.”
Researchers studied 1,082 mothers and children’s family structures, friendships, relationships, and cognitive tests when the children were 2 years old and found that the larger a mother’s network, the more support she has. Having a group to depend on for help with babysitting or UberEats deliveries can ease the stress of parenting–especially in the early weeks.
Besides having someone to talk cravings with, having friends with kids can actually strengthen bonds. “Becoming a parent is a radical change,” says Balbo. “By observing their friends, people can learn to fulfill this new role…friends can share the childbearing experience and thus reduce the stresses associated with pregnancy and child rearing. It’s also easier for people to remain friends when they are experiencing parenthood at the same time.”
Have you ever been pregnant at the same time as a friend?
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