Parenting can be really, really challenging. Really.
You’ve got to provide at least two nutritious meals a day, dole out hugs, kisses, and advice; make sure there are clean clothes and dishes, and, and here’s the big one–raise a socially whole, emotionally complete, fully functioning human being without any kind of instruction manual.
It can definitely become overwhelming! Thankfully, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford shared her tips for staying calm under pressure at this year’s Momference, the ” premiere, one-day conference for motivated, magical moms of color.”
“Dr. Joy” is the Atlanta,GA based psychologist behind Therapy for Black Girls. In 2014, she created the “online space dedicated to encouraging the mental wellness of Black women and girls” after watching BET’s Black Girls Rock.
Working to combat the stigma of mental health problems in the black community, Therapy for Black Girls has grown to include a nationwide directory of black therapists who provide culturally competent services, and a weekly podcast that makes mental wellness accessible.
During her session on the Momference’s Glow track, Dr. Joy told us how to stay calm in the midst of chaos.
C: Consistent stress management plan.
Focus on the things that bring you joy–besides the kids or your partner. Do you like taking bubble baths or getting your nails done? Relaxing with a good book or binge watching a new Netflix series? How can you be intentional about making time and space for the things you enjoy?
Dr. Joy encourages setting boundaries. “Your personal manifesto dictates how others are allowed to and expected to interact with you,” she says.
Start establishing your personal boundaries by filling in the blanks below.
People may not…
I have a right to…
To protect my time and energy, it’s okay to…
A: Ask for and allow yourself to receive help.
How many times have you cradled your baby and wished someone would just come hold him so you could take a nap? There’s no shame in asking for help. It doesn’t make you look weak or any less capable of being a good parent.
When people come over to see the baby, it’s okay to put them to work, too. They can wash dishes, grab groceries, or fold onesies for you. Ask for what you need–and if you don’t feel comfortable asking friends or family, ask for a doula.
Click here to see how a doula can help you!
A postpartum doula can help alleviate some of the pressure of parenting. After birth, a doula can support your physical and emotional recovery and help ease the transition into parenthood. Not sure how to pay for a postpartum doula’s services? Put it on your registry. Well wishers can chip in to make sure that you and your new family have the help you need.
L: License to prioritize yourself.
Putting yourself first doesn’t have to be selfish, Dr. Joy explains. On airplanes, we’re told to put our masks on first and then assist others in times of crisis–and it’s the same on the ground. You can’t begin to truly help anyone until you’ve helped (and healed) yourself.
“What in your life is just for you?” Dr. Joy asks. “Is there something you loved to do before becoming a mom that you need to reconnect with?”
M: Mama team
Whether in person or virtual, find your support system. I created Mymommyvents so that parents could learn, share, and grow together. Find or create a team of people you can vent to about potty training or text for pediatrician recommendations.
Social media has evolved into a network where we can connect with parents across the globe. Search hashtags like #newmom, #newparents, and #millennialmom to find people who can be a part of your parenting #squad.
Keep CALM and parent on!
- Why Every Birth Needs A Doula - February 10, 2021
- How to Protect Your Peace During White Thuggery - January 7, 2021
- 10 Moms to Follow Into the New Year - December 30, 2020
